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| As summer with Clarke wraps up, I’ve been thinking about all of the interesting stories I can take away from this summer, as well as all of the random places I’ve sprayed toxic chemicals. Here is but a sampling of my experiences and stories. - I sprayed Grant Park in downtown Chicago for the Taste of Chicago, driving a big pick-up truck around Buckingham fountain
- I sprayed Wheaton college
- I sprayed Com-Ed plants all over chicagoland (often they were very far apart. One night I drove 245.3 miles to get to my spray-sites, and only drove 0.4 miles to spray!)
- I sprayed Hometown IL, an incredibly small village entirely surrounded by Chicago’s south-side. That was fun.
- I gained a new nickname- Noodles. I don’t know if it will stick around after I leave Clarke, though. Probably not as no one outside of Clarke calls me it.
- I sprayed the Lake County Fair
- I sprayed the Winnebago County Fair (before spraying it, I didn’t even know there was a Winnebago county, let alone that it had a fair)
- I sprayed an historically old building in DeKalb
- I sprayed YMCA Camp Duncan- before it had campers, while it had campers (that was fun), and after it had campers
- I sprayed Banner Day Camp
- I sprayed Apache Day Camp
- I thought I found Oprah Winfrey’s secret compound once, but then realized that I was so tired I was switching letters around in my mind, and it wasn’t her secret compound at all. For about a ½ hour, though, I thought I was going to make a killing selling its location to the Paparazzi (don’t ask me why I thought Oprah would put up a sign advertising her secret compound, even if she had one. I was exhausted.)
- I convoyed out to Freeport to spray there (ugh. That was a crazy night)
- I sprayed Ty Warner Park (that was fun: 5 miles of ATV spraying – a route map + giant hills + exhaustion impairing your judgment = AWESOMENESS)
- I’ve been stopped countless times by the police being asked the stupidest question I can think of: “what are you doing?” They ask this after pulling me over as I’m driving a huge truck with the words “Clarke Mosquito Control” written all over it, as it is shooting a mist out the back of it from an incredibly large and loud machine labeled “Ultra Low Volume Mosquito Adulticide Applicator”, drawing chemical from two very large tanks in the back of the truck labeled “Mosquito Adulticide”, while going 12-20 MPH up and down every street in their town, with the truck’s strobe light(s) active, while I’m wearing a shirt that says “Clarke Mosquito Control” on it, holding a route map, doing the same thing I (or someone else from Clarke) have done twice a week, every week, this summer, AFTER CHECKING IN AT THE POLICE STATION! I kid you not- this happens all the time!
- I’ve been tipped beer, cash, and offers of sex (I declined all- Clarke won’t let me take tips)
- I’ve had people flip me off, flash me, sneak up on me and start screaming, through stuff at me, complain that I’ve destroyed their lawns (seriously- if you’re lawn is moss then expect it to get a little damaged when a 600lb ATV drives on it), thanked me for saving their lawns, threaten me, and wave at me.
- From all the hallucinations I’ve experienced out of exhaustion, I’ve come to these conclusions: if the hallucination is friendly (like bunnies hopping next to you as you drive down the highway), then you’re good; if the hallucination is not so friendly (like a crazy lady running at you with a knife or an elephant charging at you down the highway), then you need to take a nap.
On top of all that, I sprayed countless golf-courses, industrial plants, subdivisions, home-owner’s associations, townships, M.A.D.s, and private residences. I almost took my ATV into the drink a few times, stuck my truck in the mud during my training, almost crashed from driving while sleeping too many times to count, and saw first-hand what a Chevrolet 2500HD Silverado with about 1000lbs of equipment in the bed going 70 MPH crashing into a light pole on the highway looks like. I have really enjoyed working for Clarke- it is a company that treats its employees well, generally has a very professional but pleasant personality. I highly recommend working for them if you get the chance- I only have positive things to say about the company, my co-workers, and my experiences there. Consider that they were paying me to drive an ATV (I now have hundreds of hours of experience in operating them in all sorts of conditions and speeds) and a huge truck- and paying me well! It has been a full, rich summer! -Silas | | |
| I think God sends some people through the wringer so that they can minister to others in low places. God knows (heck, he created) the thresholds for endurance that we have for pain, for temptation, for suffering, for discomfort, and uses those with higher thresholds to minister to those with lower thresholds. This is difficult and painful for all involved- those with lower thresholds would only need ministering to if there is a problem in their lives, and those with higher thresholds because they were run through the wringer. But it is good. In ministering to someone, and in being ministered to, I get to reflect the life of Jesus, I get to become more like him. He endured a tortuous existence (cf. Philippians 2:5-11) for my sake, but was also ministered temporally and will be eternally. God is good. Given this, I can minister to my brothers and sisters in the faith in particular ways that you can’t, and you can minister to them in particular ways that I can’t. I can say to them, in effect, “I have been where you are. I know the hurt you have right now. I may not be done with this problem either, but I can lead you to the path to the way out.” God is good. May he help us. -Silas | | |
| Well, I start school this Wednesday. That'll be fun. I am so tired, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I have been working a lot at Clarke because West Nile was found in one of the Suburbs. That has left me little time to sleep. Also, Multitude is coming to a close as a full-blown ministry, and it never really took off despite my best efforts. Also, some people I care about a great deal are hurting a lot right now, and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. Also, I still don't have resolution on the various trials and difficulties in my own life. Life is a tiresome thing. I am looking forward to when it will be done and I can finally, finally, do the thing I was created to do: worship and glorify God. No more sin. No more toil. No more ministry. No more pain. No more anything. I will be myopic. I will have tunnel-vision in a good way. My entire being will be focused on adoring, worshipping, and praising God. How sweet that will be. Come quickly, Lord Jesus. ... It has been almost a year since I've been in Arizona, since I've seen most of my family. I saw my sister-in-law back in October, and I saw my sister and her family back in April, but I haven't seen my family all together for quite a while- this is the longest I've ever gone without seeing them. You never realize how much you miss someone, how much they have shaped you, how much of your identity comes from someone else, until you go without them for an extended period of time. I don't know when I will next see them, either. I just re-read what I wrote above. While it is absolutely true, what's interesting, is that I know I have changed quite a bit since I moved away from my family. Still, its good to be with people that "get" you, that you know will accept you as you are, where you do not have to stand on any pretense. That is how I am with my family. Now, to be sure, there are some parts of me that my family knows absolutely nothing about (Ben, Aubrey, and Lisa, you know this full well). There are some aspects of my life that I will not let my family in on, that I much prefer close friends to discuss things with. But there is still something about family. An illustration is in order. Unless the circumstances were dire, I think I would have a hard time napping in front of a friend (unless they were a particularly good friend. I can think of two people, in fact, who are not my family and in whose presence I could nap). With family, I would have no such problem. -Silas | | |
| I finally gave in and bought a new hat today. It is the exact same kind as I had before. My old one was just getting to icky.. I think I got a rash from it. … I’ve been thinking a lot lately (read: for the past year or so) about suffering in the Christian life, and have recently drawn some conclusions. I think that suffering and sacrifice are intimately linked, such that when a Christian is suffering for righteousness’ sake, there is necessarily a component of sacrifice involved in that suffering. I think that the converse is also true, that is where there is sacrifice there is also necessarily suffering, when the sacrifice is righteous and done for righteous reasons. What’s more, I think that the relationship is causative, not simply correlative. That is, when one sacrifices it will necessarily lead to suffering, and that when one suffers it is necessarily because one has sacrificed. Now, when I speak of sacrifice, I am speaking of sacrifice- giving up something we would rather not give up, holy or not. An example: bacon tastes good. Pork is easy to cook, cheap, and tasty. All of these things make me want to buy it and eat it. But I will not. I have sacrificed my consumption of pork to God (it helps that he asked specifically that I do this). I gave something up that would have made my life easier, more convenient, and happier so as to please God. By doing so, I have demonstrated that I value my relationship with God at least as much as I value consuming pork. But I gave it up. My life is harder now because of my commitment to honor God in abstaining from pork. That is a sacrifice. Abraham made the same statement, albeit to a much greater extent, when he was willing to sacrifice Isaac at the Akedah. He demonstrated that he valued his relationship to his God as greater than his love for his only son. But it was a sacrifice! Everything I’ve said so far is mostly just a simple observation of the human experience. What really stirs the pot, what really makes it interesting, is how we Christians are supposed to deal with suffering and sacrifice. We are not supposed to lament it, to wallow in it (something I’m really good at, btw), but rather we are to rejoice in our sufferings (cf. Matthew 5:11-12). Where our natural desire is to see suffering and sacrifice as bad, that is the desire we are supposed to mortify. We are to see suffering as a way of becoming more Christ-like, one who suffered to the point of death (cf. Col 2:5-11, Heb 12:1-4), and considered it occasion to be joyful because of what it demonstrated about his goodness, the goodness of God the Father, and his love for the Father. When we suffer as Christians, for the sake of righteousness, we are demonstrating that it is worth it- that God is worth the pain we are experiencing, the discomfort, the ignominy, the whatever-it-is-that-you-are-experiencing-as-a-result-of-your-suffering, and are so identifying with Jesus. That is powerful, and it is what we are called to. How you go about doing this will depend on what the nature of your suffering is. But be encouraged as you suffer that it is an opportunity God gave you to demonstrate your love for him, your commitment to him, and your willingness to become more like him. Not easy. But good. Just my thoughts for now | | |
| Recently I thought of a conversation I had with one of my sisters shortly before coming up to Chicago. She and I were discussing what seminary would be like (she also went to seminary, albeit a different, and therefore inferior, one), and told me that it may entail a crisis of faith, so I should be ready for that. I said that I never had such a crisis, and she said to get ready. I was skeptical. I think what I have been going through for the last 10 months or so could qualify for such a crisis. To be sure, I have often doubted the veracity of my faith, its doctrines, its truth-claims, etc. and believe that such doubt has generally allowed my faith to grow and become stronger. What I have been experiencing is not that. I affirm, and have so affirmed, the various doctrines that define orthodoxy within Evangelical Christianity. Rather, what I am experiencing is more centered on my experience of my faith. This is a far more insidious doubt and painful process. God seems strangely distant and silent. The various promises that I have clung to in times past do not minister to me much any more. I am not certain that God particularly cares for me- the thought often crosses my mind that he could take or leave me. I am at a place where I know without doubt the truth about God and his word, but I am only able to remember the experience of such knowledge- I do not have it now. It is not a pleasant place to be. During this time, I have begun to listen to a contemporary Christian radio station. As strange as this may sound, it has ministered to me greatly. I know that the theology that it is espousing is usually very simple, and all-too-often is not nearly as nuanced as it should be to be clearly orthodox, but it has ministered to me. Truth be told, I think that the simplicity of the these songs is a strength of theirs. We are supposed to approach the Kingdom of Heaven as children, and children do not generally have a taste or patience for theological complexities or semantic nuance. There are four songs in particular that have really ministered to me during this time. They are: · You’re Not Shaken by Phil Stacey · Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns · Wait and See by Brandon Heath · By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North I don’t know why I first turned to this station during this time in my life, but the first song I heard on it was Voice of Truth. I started to cry when I heard it. I felt like an idiot for doing so, but its simplicity and honesty ministered to me. Because these last months have been so difficult, I was really looking forward to the summer. I wanted it to be a time when I recharged, when I collected myself, drew close to God, and had real renewal in my walk with him. He had other plans. Instead, God has continued to allow me to struggle this summer and has given me two jobs that leave me emotionally and physically exhausted. He has also been teaching me something really important, a lesson I should have learned a long time ago but didn’t. God is forcing me, kicking and screaming, into relying emotionally and spiritually on other people. I hate it. He has put me in positions where I am forced to rely on the goodness of his other children, and be ministered to by them. I hate it. I value highly my independence, and really really really hate being a burden to others, especially in these areas. I generally don’t like exhibiting weakness, and God has forced me into a place where I have to expose some of my weaknesses to others. I hate it. There are two people in particular, Ben and Jay, that have put up with a lot from me lately. I value them highly, but am so angry with myself, so disappointed with myself, and so generally loathing of the whole experience. I do not want to rely on others, to be ministered to by them. But, as has been a constant theme for the last 10 months, if not my entire life, God had other plans. -Silas | | |
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